I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
