the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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