dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
