I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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