She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
