I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
bring money and cleavage
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
