saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you will always have a special place in my vag
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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