Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
