The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize