last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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