she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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