The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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