some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
