Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
