U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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