I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize