Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
