It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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