I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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