Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
