My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
