Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
