I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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