dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
