i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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