At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
