Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
