I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
