Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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