Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
