theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
