Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
