Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize