It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
