you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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