New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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