When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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