Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
