I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
