is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he was CRYING into my vagina
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
