I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
