I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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