well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
