Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
