how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
