I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
