My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
