i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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