yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
