ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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