It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
