I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
