What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
