that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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