i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
3pm strippers are depressing
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
