in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
