I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
