his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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