They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
