i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
