I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
