I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
