the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
