We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
