Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
