You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Randomize
