yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
