His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
