If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
