You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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