do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
