i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
